Past stories:
"Captivity"
"Over the abyss"
"Unnecessary people"
"Twelve"
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This is not a story. This is a kind of diary in which I write my thoughts about one aspect of modern being. It is interesting to know – is it too stupid, banal and naive thoughts expressed and whether it is worth uploading? Since I will write it, probably just like that.
P.S. Everything that is located below is a purely personal opinion. You can agree with him and disagree, I do not impose it on anyone)
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I am afraid of babies, I am afraid of the dead, I feel my face with my fingers and inside me is cold with horror – am I really the same as all these people?People who live above me. People who live under me. People who snore behind the wall. People who are underground.I would give a lot of wings a lot, I would give a lot of eyes for a few eyes, by the hand on which fourteen fingers, I need another gas for breathing"

I go down the old dirty staircase. I go out into the spanned entrance. Three empty beer bottles and a handful of notes are lying next to the non-working battery. I can hardly open the rusted door and go out into the street. The sky as always is not white, not gray, but some kind of … colorless. No sun, no clouds.
Winter. The streets are littered with mud, which is somehow covered with snow. Roads icy, not sprinkled. And why? Well, a person will fall, I will break his hand – who cares?
Trees without leaves, like dried skeletons, deigned all this. Day after day. I wonder how the trees feel the world? They are still alive, life flows in them, they heal wounds. So they should feel and feel? And somehow feel the surrounding reality? What is it like, to spend your whole life standing in one place, and completely without moving. Just watching the way you pass by. That there is a day then? Minute? Second? Or eternity?
It may be useful, just stand for at least an hour in one place without leaving him. Look at the bustle, at people hurrying somewhere. On changing weather. To become a piece of this single whole, a piece of the whole planet. People for whom, just noisy, inaccurate and aggressive guests who will come sooner or later. And then the planet will wait for the new owners. Who will also come someday. Circle. Everything is a circle. Everything is repeated, everything was already once, there will be and will be. Everything is the same. You think you are special, different from others? Yes, there are millions like you. And each of this million thinks that it differs from others. You imagine yourself with someone famous, useful for society. No. You are a grain of the millstone of history. Which will also be grinded like thousands before it.

I go along the avenue. Cars https://queenvegascasino.co.uk/login/ are driving by, alarm, stand in traffic jams. Rushed somewhere. People go towards me. Everyone has a disgust on their faces, contempt for everyone and everyone. Certainly! What are things worth others compared to them. They are more important. So everyone thinks, thereby forming a funny system in which no one will approach an elderly man falling on the ice. But what to hypocrite for – neither you nor I would have done so. Just passed by. Who cares. People are divided into families, friends, adhere to each other, because it is more convenient to survive. For any person there is a circle of people to whom he will most likely help in difficult times, he will listen and warm. His relatives. Others do not bother him. Yes, and you, right? Perhaps you will visit a minute pity when you find out that somewhere, once, someone died. Either the school was captured by terrorists, or a passenger bus accident. This feeling is minute. No need to deceive yourself. Everyone does not care about others. The truth is capital, but, nevertheless, violently rejected by all. Funny.
Wars, unions, betrayal, murder, genocide – all this is very important here on Earth. But imagine our planet on a scale of the universe. Miriads of stars, planets and galaxies stretched around. And in one of them the earth hangs. On which they kill, steal, confessed love, destroy millions for abstract values ​​invented by people. The goal of all these ideologies, religions, the Strayv alone – power and money. Everyone and everyone is manipulated. Rallies, agitation, elections are held. But imagine this flickering on the scale of the universe. Ant fuss. A huge performance of an invisible director in which everything has already been done and chosen. You have an illusion of choice-an illusion because it is impossible to choose something not scheduled for the scenario. Nobody can force himself. And those who chose, killed or put in psychiatric hospitals.
Power and money … Power is just a human feeling, because think about what a buzz is to order and manage people. And when you still inspire yourself that you are doing it for good … Fantastic. And money, pieces of paper erected to the cult. No need to build a idealist, burdened by a hundred principles through which he will never cross. They will not cross until they offer more money.
Everyone has one goal-to earn more money, to buy something more cool something that is now. Everyone has their own values. And they work. Thanks to them, heroism, sincerity and a bunch of other abstract things are obtained. Friendship and courage of ants.
Who cares.

The world dies from cynicism and misanthropy. People undergo the therapy of indifference and hatred on the Internet and go outside, pouring into a rotten society. Each of us considers ourselves, even deep down, but a cynic and a misanthrope. But people do not have sufficient life experience to consider or consider themselves so. With the advent of VKontakte, it became enough to read cynical quotes and voila. You are a cynic. You are a misanthrope. You are a sociopath. You are a strong atheist. You are the only actor of this scene. The only smart and adequate person of this planet. There is one cattle around you … cattle, cattle, cattle, cattle! All around the shit. Everything around is dumb. One you are, what are you, with the deepest and most complicated inner world. The rest of the dummies.
But suddenly-you want to laugh or smile at something. Or put a "like" tender and pleasant photo. But you break yourself! No! It is forbidden! You are a cynic! And you again pass the therapy of cynicism, reading quotes and thoughts of people, the existence of which did not even know.
But there are a lot of such people. And each of them considers himself such. "Cynism is not a sign of intelligence". And this is true. No, of course, of course, you should not live in the world filled with pleasant and beautiful. A world filled with ponies dancing on lawns, filled with pretty kittens and flowers. But you can not completely surrender to hatred. Hatred is the path to loneliness. Loneliness is the path to longing and despondency. And from here not far to suicide. What could be the only possible tool for some people, but … remember one thing.
There, there is nothing.

I was always interested in what other people have in my head? That is – how they think? It would seem – all people are similar, and some are the same. I have an example – I myself! What prevents me from introducing the mind of another person? But I never succeeded. Any attempt to imagine the course of thoughts of a stranger seemed fake and fake. Imagine yourself in the place of another person? I can’t.
But what if everything, absolutely all people think the same? Only their mental abilities are a little different. Gopnik from the street thinks with obscenities, and the professor? But what if the professor also thinks obscene? And I mean not some smart and complex thoughts there, but the most ordinary everyday, which, for example, come to life in your brain, after awakening.
That if everyone thinks the same, and the difference is achieved due to moral standards? Which are different for everyone.
Writers, when they describe someone’s thoughts from a third person, use sentences like “Thought” and t.D. This is read without a feeling of falsehood, but still hardly any person has ever thought such complex sentences.
Sometimes I was visited by the thought that I was the only person on earth, and the rest were the wound dolls for some unknown great plan. I know this is very stupid, but probably this thought visited everyone someday.
Maybe all this seems to me and I think because I am so stupid. And this, as Tyler Derden said, "terrible tragedy".
Nevertheless, in all this theory there is one big plus – it cannot be proved.

#5
Today, many of my friends have ceased to believe in God. But for people it was not some kind of independent step and personal thoughtful decision. They just went through atheistic Internet therapy. Today, religion falls by many popular video bloggers, with the name of Jesus Christ, everything that could be done by inserting it wherever possible. Plus a lot of anti -religious multimedia information. All this is superimposed and applied to the consciousness of the average person who goes to church at best once a month. And he becomes an atheist. Yes, it is atheist, so he now calls himself. He abandoned God in what he was significantly helped by "quote". “Quotes” can make you mentally anyone – from a psycho to a solid businessman.
Now a minute of pause – I am an atheist myself. I did it deliberately, but what I will write further can concern me.
It is quite difficult to remove God from your souls for a modern person. He loses a free daily assistant who can always complain or ask for something and, if you are lucky as hell, God will help you. Hmm, God helps the line … Well, okay. Of course, any atheist is clear that a person was simply lucky, but the believer at that moment was revealed in the last instance. The insight has descended. Everything was confirmed for him! God exists! Hurray, comrades. And all. Now, in any way, he can’t convince that God is not, more precisely, he will stop being brought again, and the poor man will think in vain what he was foreshadowed by the Lord.
Further, already half -mastering, if he is not a complete idiot, but for such treatment does not exist, begins to think – why is God, if he is so kind and omnipotent allowing war, catastrophes, murders, etc.D. If a person is a complete idiot, then the thought follows – “for all the will of God” and the process of thinking ceases.
Otherwise, a person thinks, thinks, he thinks a little and becomes an atheist. He is proud of his freedom from religious infection, but … feels emptiness, feels how he became lonely. And he sometimes no, no, he will ask God for something. The reverse scheme begins to work here – the more lucky, the greater the atheistic impulse, the smaller – the stronger the faith. So it balances the modern atheist between faith and spiritual and moral freedom.
Unfortunately or fortunately, I apparently switched to a later step in the development of atheism, and I cannot ask for something to God. Sounds false and stupid.
Probably all the same, fortunately.

Today, if a murder occurs and a young man is guilty, everyone begins to shout unanimously – the games are to blame! And rightly, now the neighbors have confirmed that the killer was not averse to running to GTA or Call of Duty. The main argument among the haters of the games is approximately the following – children see cruelty in games and participate in it, thereby accustoming their consciousness to violence. It happens that something like “they see how their character is reborn after death and begin to believe in their own invulnerability”. It sounds crazy, but for a very young organism … anything happens. But you can not discard everything on the influence from the outside! After all, the murder is far from simple as if it did not seem to you the hateers of the games. It is very difficult and not only because of the holiness of human life. Imagine a picture hangs in front of you. The picture is gloomy and rather unpleasant. But you still feel her … importance. Its significance in art. You feel that its device is truly grandiose. And now imagine that you need to break it from the wall and tear it to shreds. Break the frame, break the canvas. It will be hard for you, isn’t it? Destroy a work of art, full of meaning and significance and beauty?! Despite the gloom? Pretty difficult.
And with the murder of any, even the most foul person. You heard his words. You felt his emotions. Despite his moral ugliness, it is difficult for you to stop the life of this ugly and vile, but … Still, works of art. You realize that only one pressing trigger will destroy the whole universe. Albeit naked and mutilated.
We all saw the murder in the virtual world. In the cinema. Read the scenes of murders in books. But the present most did not see the present and, if lucky, will not see. I’m trying to imagine this, but only artificial death in paintball comes to mind, only with ketchup. Imagine how you shoot an abstract person in your own apartment. Imagine how bullets stick into the flesh and tear it into pieces, crushing the bones … Imagine as if in reality. It turned out? I have no.
And I hope it will never work.

Even if you do not go into religion and the structure of the universe, birth is all. Life is all. This is an opportunity, it is a gift, it is the greatest property of humanity. Born person, in fact, receive everyone. He can do everything, he can create. He can become anyone. In theory. Unfortunately, in reality, mankind independently drove itself into the steel framework, the way out of which threatens death. Yes, yes she, you were not mistaken. Since distant times, life seemed to a person a phenomenon too free, too … alive. Too rich in opportunities and t.D. Too complicated. And also – too long. And a person prefers everything if not simplified, then, at least, drive into the framework, align, distribute and lay out on the shelves. Not a single extra minute. We ourselves took away freedom. We ourselves deprived ourselves of this gift. We set ourselves the goal of understanding and studying everything. We deprived ourselves of a lion’s share of individuality. Immediately after the birth of a person, kicks are driven into the established framework of life, in a life -how machine created by people, through which thousands and thousands of people were missed by a newcomer. You are 7 years old? Welcome to kindergarten. You have to study, eat, play, sleep. Get used to the schedule. Get used to the created foundations. Then – a school. 11 years of life should be scored by 90% the same as people’s lives before you. You must, to find out most of what humanity knows. And if you do not know, then you are actually doomed. He can, of course, be a genius and break out to the surface of a smelly swamp from people. But are you a genius?
In the old days, everything was much better. People believed in the forces of nature, but the worse than faith in one God, if the existence of it cannot be proved? Why science is needed, why? Why was the theory of relativity created? Why is the microscope invented? What will fly to Mars? What will give them the study of everything and everything, everything that exists and will exist on Earth? For what? The sages were during the time of Perun and Svarog. Kindness was in the days of Odin. Courage and honor were in time. What science, education, work, order have given us?
I understand that my point of view is not utopian, but even anarchical. But it is just painful for me to think about life and realize that we all independently became system slaves. We have been going through the stage all our lives. All the same. Everything was already. Everything has already been studied. You must also study everything, remember everything, pass everything. Find a job. Because you will die without her.
And there were so many possibilities. There was so much life. And freedom. Once.